Sick

[dexfarkin]

I'm very ill, which is always the catalyst for stupid posts. Bear with me.

My mother has basically disowned me, because I haven't called in my 80 hour week. Justified, but at the same point, I feel the fires of injustice there. Do I beg for forgiveness or hold to personal respect? I'm not sure which is worth me. Let's be honest, my step-father has suffered major surgery and my cousin is in the burn unit. Part of me says the bigger man eats crow and takes the abuse by calling and abasing myself. Is self-respect worth more?

What else?

I find a hatred for fanfic politics, mostly due to lack of respect. That, and a total dislocation from fanfiction. I feel bad, but since my time puts me outside of the normal range of conversion, I feel very dislocated. Do I still have a place in this communiety? Or is it time to pass all elements on to a proper sucessor and stay alway from from the newbies? Lot's of questions today.

Let's see the answers

Comments

Hmmmm.

[anastasiab.livejournal.com]

Re: Family situation.

Call your mom. Consider it like this- you recognize that it takes the bigger man to call her, and choose to be that man. Pride doesn't take a lot of strength, but love does. Don't be ashamed of yourself for it, and don't see it as adversarial or giving in. Be strong, my brother, and put up with the shit. :) It's worth it in the long run.

Re: Fanfic alienation.

Wish I could help you there, but the truth is, I'm feeling much the same way. The politics just make me ill, and I'm often finding myself wondering what am I still doing here. I'm not ready to go, not yet, but sometimes I wonder why.

I will say that as far as I know you still have very much a central place in the community. If *anyone* does, you do.

Hrm.

[frito-kal.livejournal.com]

1. Give them a call. Pride can take a hit and keep going - more so if you know that you're doing something for the right reasons. Self-respect isn't such a simple thing that taking the blame for something that isn't solely your fault will crush it. If you know that you had extenuating circumstancts, you are still a decent person, even if you have to apoligize and act the part of the offender.

2. Politics will wax and wane - I take the approach that fanfic should be taken for what it is - fun. If the politics - or the people who are deep into the politics can't remove themselves from what is ultimatly an unimportant hobby - then something is wrong with them, not the hobby itself.

Enjoy the stories, enjoy the company of people in the community. Everything else is secondary. Silly politics won't detract from the fact that you are a fantastic writer, who has produced stories that have entertained a large number of people - and it won't stop people from writing stories that will entertain you.

The silly people who think that they are being ghettoized over FANFICTION are just that - silly. People who sit and worry about any part of this that doesn't actually come over and bite them in the real world have made too much of a big deal about things. (Myself included at times.)

Relax. Go read something fun, or write something fun. Or help me beta something demented. (You know, I had these questions about writing dialouge for John Constantine I had for you...) (Yes, I'm a selfish ass.) -

Ultimatly my advice to you about fanfiction is - enjoy the good parts, ignore the shitheads who make petty parts bigger than good parts, and have fun. That's what its for.

[aliciam.livejournal.com]

1. Call your mother. I can't say for certain, obviously, but when we're under a great deal of stress - which it sounds like your mother is - we say things and take stands that perhaps aren't the best thing to be doing. The part of you that wonders if it's maybe a good idea to be the one to eat crow is right on the money, although I understand that it's probably not going to be the most enjoyable thing in the world. Just keep in mind that self-respect can be found in being the bigger person, too.

2. Oh, man. Join the club. I've been looking on a lot of the goings-on lately with absolute loathing and disgust and wondering exactly why I was sticking around. I finally identified what parts of the community I was still enjoying - for me, the fic, my archives in an abstract sense(including yours, which is moving towards something resembling completion, if slowly :), and the circle of people I can trust not to pull the sort of stuff that's been pissing me off in the first place. You've always been a fair bit more involved in the actual mechanics of the community than I have, though, so I don't know... maybe it is time to pass on some of those elements? The fact that the answer's not simple seems to indicate that you don't feel ready to chuck the whole thing just yet, so maybe you should just be looking to eliminate the things that have Ceased To Be Fun And/Or Rewarding? I don't know... I wish I had an answer.

3. (And yes, I know you didn't ask a third question.) Send Doqz out for some echinacea tea/tablets if you don't have any on hand (I don't know your view on homeopathic stuff :). You don't have to STAY sick. :)

[trishalynn.livejournal.com]

I hate "Me, too" posts, but I agree with what everyone has said so far. It's taken me 25 years to cop to the fact that sometimes, in order to keep peace in your family, you've got to swallow your pride about the little things. And this is such a little thing, compared to the fact that family's hurting. At the same time, do she know you keep crazy hours and can't call when most people would make phone calls?

[maeve77.livejournal.com]

I know it sounds like a horrible thing to have to do, but call your mom. You don't have to completely debase yourself. Just explain that you had a monster week at work, that you were dead on your feet, etc. and that you wouldn't willingly avoid calling her. If I know moms, what she really wants is for you to reassure her that you love her.

As far as the politics thing goes, I'm way too much of a newbie to take much of a stance on anything. If I could have my preference, everyone would look to people like you, Rossi, and company for guidance. There's definitely something to be said for experience.

I'm sorry to hear that things aren't going well for you. Stay strong! ***zen hugs***

[domarzione.livejournal.com]

1) Joining the chorus - suck it up and call and let her bitch and rail. At you, at the doctors, at anything else that crosses her vision. On the personal level, divine brownie points are achieved this way, plus it's one less thing she can hold over your head later. On the grander level, you'll be making everyone on that end's life a little easier by taking some of the pressure out of the pressure cooker.

2) No diving headfirst into the shallow end of the tar pit. Speaking as someone who is neither dino nor newbie... I'd hate the thought of the community without the most veteran voices - yours and a whole lot of others. If perhaps the group elders have been overgenerous in welcoming in the next wave, accidentally dropping a key to the kingdom in along with the 'welcome aboard' casserole... get the damned thing back, why don't you? If the problem is effusive praise for mediocre fic setting a bad trend and lowering the bar, write a better fic to straighten them out. Wield some of that power and influence you've earned - show off your writing chops and remind people of why you got the rep in the first place. Veteran writing brings out veteran comments which brings out more veteran writing which gets people to do more productive things with their hands - like type - than sit on them and kvell. Equilibrium shifted.

[fanatic.livejournal.com]

Get well soon!
Re: questions.

Family is family no matter what shit goes on.
Talk to your mom and let her know you care.
Then again I'm the last one to talk about talking to one's mother.
Last I spoke to Mine was in April or May.
Hang in with the family.

As for Fanfic, Well You know my sitch in their eyes and some others.
Hell one of the reasons why I was forced out was that I don't politic like somefolk and don't buy in to alot of the shit that goes on in tight knit communities.
That's all I got to say about that.

Bryant, do what you think is best for you and most of your friends.

And take it easy this holiday season, Cheers!

[sevenall.livejournal.com]

1) Call your mom. Because you _are_ the bigger person and you won't be sorry you did that. I know how you feel, believe me. My parents changed the locks on me when I was sixteen.

2) I don't know the answer to that. I'm not much into fanfic politics myself and generally try to avoid them. Plus, the last time I felt as part of the community was at DexCon. But I think that if anyone has a place in the community, it's you.

[foible.livejournal.com]

1) Chiming in with yet another "call your Mom" vote. Yeah, the pride may suffer, but in the long run you will thank yourself. Who knows? Given the stress she is currently under, she probably didn't mean to be quite to harsh.

2) Can't help much there, being well and truly retired, myself. Best I can suggest is that you focus your energies on what you enjoy in fanfic... ie. the stories, and the friends you've made. As for the rest, I'd just try to let it slide on past.

[pollymel.livejournal.com]

You know the drill. Call your mum. You both probably need it. besides, you'll probably both forget the pride issue in five minutes.

Fandom is all about the restepe! (okay, been watching the Ali G movie. I'll try and move on).

If you ain't happy, move on. So long as you and the other people think it's worth the effort, you won't lose friends over it, and if you don't think it's worth the effort, it's not a big loss. It's a hobby, don't go doing things that aren't, deep down, fun.

I'm makin' no sense.

*hugs* But I hope you feel better. Get sleep and stay nifty.

[dandesun.livejournal.com]

1. Call her. Just do it. If your pride takes a hit, save it for the holidays and make a scene. :)

2. Fanfic has politics? Bwah ha ha! Okay. All kidding aside, yes I'm aware of the agenda-driven bullshit. The whining. The cry of 'elitist' that rises up whenever Someone Is Unfair To Newbies. Come on... this is the eternal cycle. It's been going on forever. And it will continue. I never got involved in it myself so I can't really say that being involved is the thing to do or not to do.

But, you know, if something is pissing you off, step back. That's the only real advice I can give.

Oh. And drink lots of fluids. Hope you feel better, man.

BTW... was that you I saw posting at TelevisionWithoutPity on the "Life with Bonnie" forum? Because if it was... I don't know HOW to react!

[seraangel.livejournal.com]

1. Call your Mum. Family is family, ya know?

2. Honestly? If you can look closely at it all and find things worth staying for. Then stay for those and ignore the rest, particularly the politics. Politics is always 90% bullshit, anyway.

And if you have to take a break every so often to get things into perspective, then do that too. Don't feel you need to do something. Mate, you've done more then your fair share over the years. You don't get a lot of thanks in that sometimes. But I, for one, have seen some of the craziness you've gone through to do things for this community. You deserve thanks for everything you've done.

I hope this is sounding coherent. But yeah, do what you want to do. Don't worry about the community.