What does green and red have to do with JESUS?

Ah, I love this time of the holidays, when the culture wars turns to the eggnog scented Siege of Leningrad which is the 'War on Christmas'. This wonderful nugget, in which pinheaded leftists decided to labeled anything using the word 'Christmas' as an extension of the dark, neofascist colonial days of oppression in which our blood soaked culture cracks the bones and sucks out the marrow of minority beliefs via tinsel and Nativity scenes, actually don't win the crazy award for once. No, our non-offensive light Jazz loving brethren get beaten to the top of the looney hill by the backlash corp of Fundamentalists who are determined to put the CHRIST back in Christmas. And get rid of the 'Mas' part. Because it sounds like Mass, and only Satanists and Catholics (same thing) have anything to do with Mass. So Merry ChristChrist is the preferred reference.

Anyhow, in order to push forward the ramparts of the deranged a little further, the power of the Interwebs has given them a zippy site and a rating system in order to see which stores toe the Jesusmas line the closest, and which ones make the mistake of not labeling every day following Black Friday as the exclusive property of the Baby Jesus and the Coke branded ideal of the Holiday season. Best Buy is apparently where you shop if you believe that Longious had the right idea, but should have maybe jabbed harder and swiveled the spear a bit.

You know, is it just me or has everyone missed the point? Christmas is a brand. Simple as that. We can all go back to the origins of the date, co-opping the natalis Invicti for Jesus' birth. We can talk about the fact that it has moved far enough past its origins that the term 'Merry Christmas' has more to do with general feelings of wellbeing than an expression of a religious stance. We can even allow for things like Hanukkah and Kwanzaa without feeling like they have somehow tried to usurp Dread Santa's place in our commercial orgy of greed. Finally, someone wishing you a happy anything that you decide to take offense to means the problem stems from you and your appalling lack of manners over slavish dogma in order to get worked up over the words as opposed to graciously accepting the intent behind it.

Fuck it. I'm going to dig up some lame ass Star Trek celebration and walk around getting angry that there aren't signs wishing me a happy Ha'mara along with Klingon speaking greeters at the local Future Shop. Bah humbug!

http://standforchristmas.com/pages/home

Yes, I did wiki Star Trek holidays. I also googled for 'Santa Jesus' images, and the fifth image was a graphic of a naked Santa shitting on Bondage Jesus' chest. I think that's the truest sign that the Intertubes need a big fucking OFF switch these days.

And I have found my new motto for 2010

Douchebaggery is recession proof.