Updates On My Life

Otherwise titled : Didn't He Used To Be Funnier?

So, what's going on in my life and why should you care? I have answers for the first, and unfortunately the second requires you to fill in the blanks. Or not. In fact, I hate each and every one of you today.

Especially the fucking Russian.

My company went bankrupt a few weeks ago. The horribly mismanaged wreck of a business managed not only to wipe out the employment of over 500 people in the space of six weeks, but also bounce progressively larger checks with both staff and clients. That means those 500 employees are owed an average of a grand apiece, and Sprint Canada is in the midst of sueing the shattered pieces. It's funny stuff.

Why do I seem chipper about it? Because I was laid off for approximately 20 minutes. They laid me off, I walked down to the marketing company I was liasioning with to let them know, and they immediately hired me under the same terms as my prior company. Ever heard the term 'dodge the bullet'? Let's just say that Neo fucker has nothing on my mad skillz.

All four of my wisdom teeth need to come out in Jan. Two of them are almost entirely gutted due to their shallow surfacing in my teens. So, I get to spend several days next month looking like someone kicked me in the teeth and gave me the mumps simultaniously.

Do they let you keep your wisdom teeth after the surgery? You could get them laminated and do crafts with them. Hmm, there's an idea. Maybe an exciting birthday present for someone. Give the gift that keeps on chewing.

Johnny Devil and the Screaming Demons have officially left the Yellow Griffin. Thanks to money issues and mismanagement, the owner of the Griffin decided to try and cut their already low rates, and they finally called it quits. However, they have moved the Thursday show down the street to another pub called A Dark Horse. Last night was their first show there. It goes without saying that I'm wretchedly hungover right now.

Even though perpetual disappointment _cap_ punked out on me, I was joined by celestial_chaos, an old on-line acquintance who I got to meet in real life for the first time last week. The trek was notable for her because she lives way hell and gone in the Beaches, but she still braved west Toronto to see the guys. Celeste is a Toronto area artist and writer, who happens to be shockingly good at doing both.

I actually finished my Christmas shopping early. I'd like to point out exactly how much I loathe malls and the holiday crush simultaniously. I nearly got crushed between a pair of Carrib ladies of brobdingnagian proportians. Next time, I'm taking armed guards into the mall.

slinka, either you've got a twin wondering around the Eaton Centre, or I'm the guy that nearly elbowed you in the head during the lunatic crush by the escalator. I would have said 'hi', but by that point I was entirely too insane to do much but jibber and sling feces in my quest for freedom.

Speaking of jibbering and flinging feces, I'm off to London and Hamilton for Christmas, which is a little like spending time in prison without as much anal rape. My family, the lovely dysfunction that they are have promised food and all manner of neurosis for free. I'm vaguely looking forward to it, since my treacherous girlfriend is leaving me to spend a month in Sunny California.

A month.

If anyone is interested in meaningless but immensely satisfying sexual affairs, I'll be free during Dec 23rd to Jan 16th. Please apply below. Male candiates will require an awful lot of alcohol and optimism. I promise nothing.

Oh, and I still hate you each and every one of you.

(no subject)

http://politics.guardian.co.uk/homeaffairs/story/0,11026,1375895,00.html

This is a nation which has been tested in adversity, which has survived physical destruction and catastrophic loss of life. I do not underestimate the ability of fanatical groups of terrorists to kill and destroy, but they do not threaten the life of the nation. Whether we would survive Hitler hung in the balance, but there is no doubt that we shall survive Al-Qaeda. The Spanish people have not said that what happened in Madrid, hideous crime as it was, threatened the life of their nation. Their legendary pride would not allow it. Terrorist violence, serious as it is, does not threaten our institutions of government or our existence as a civil community….

Such a power in any form is not compatible with our constitution. The real threat to the life of the nation, in the sense of a people living in accordance with its traditional laws and political values, comes not from terrorism but from laws such as these. That is the true measure of what terrorism may achieve. It is for Parliament to decide whether to give the terrorists such a victory.

Lord Hoffman, saying in elegent terms what I cannot define so neatly.